Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
