The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
