dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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