he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
