i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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