so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
