I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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