i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
