If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
