twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
