it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
