he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
