Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He felt like a one man threesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize