It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
