I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
