I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
thus making me awesome and them whores
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
