It's Friday. Sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
