omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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