allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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