in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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