i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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