he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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