The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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