Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
