you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
