The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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