Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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