I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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