There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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