Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
