hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
