You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
