carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
