Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize