She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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