Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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