I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
