You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
