do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
