I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
