Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize