2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
