She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
