i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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