Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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