I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
