Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
