I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
