im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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