so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
