checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize