glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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