Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
