guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize