Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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