My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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