he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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