That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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