is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize