i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
