Having a random hookup so left but love u
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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