Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
