dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
