Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
