A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
