My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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