dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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