god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
