All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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