walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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