How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
