There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize