A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
