if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
In America we eat man semen.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
