last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh god the rape fog is back!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
