I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
