All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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