I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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