I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
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