You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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