so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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