The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
