'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
