Pants 0. Shit 1.
I puked a lego.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize