K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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